Humor
***
"All of us spread rot. All of us are trying to lime. Live so any longer. What to do? "- They wailed. Suddenly one of the mice, said: "I know! Need to ask the owl. He - the famous and wise strategy! "And the whole crowd went to Filin. They surrounded the owl and asked: "How can we be? We are defenseless, and anyone can hurt us! "Filin thoughtfully lifted his eyes and said:" It's very simple: you have to become hedgehogs. Mice were delighted and rushed back with enthusiastic cries of: "Oh yes! Of course! Everything is so simple, we ourselves might think of this before! You just need to become hedgehogs! "Suddenly, one mouse stopped and stared, puzzled at the ground. "Yes ... - he said thoughtfully, - ... I'm here thought: how can we become hedgehogs?" - "Exactly, exactly! - Cried the mouse. - And the truth, how do we become hedgehogs? Let's go back to Filin, ask him. " And the whole pack turned as a large steamer, and rushed back to Filin. "Filin, and how do we become hedgehogs?" - Once again asked the mouse. "Well - thoughtfully and said proudly owl - is up to you. I - Strategy. And how to become a hedgehog - this is technology. "
***
Took out the crisis. Eat moldy cheese, wine, drink - the old one. And the machine I have no roof.
***
The three judges after a long day sat on a park bench for a beer. Suddenly flies out of the bushes and Grandma needs to pay her a thousand rubles, or else it will give them to court for having killed her dog.
The judges conferred and decided to better pay.
"It is not known what decision the court."
Introduction
From lack of programmers with no end to rivet online stores. After all, even programmed them nothing. Only establishes a ready and score stuff. By the way rubbish score they can at programming quickly.
So the Internet is already more than 80 million online stores.
That is, each store has on 3 pennies in the pockets of consumers.
And if you still can not change your mind, you should come up with something really special, because everyone else already invented, sold, buyers are spit-covered, and the hosts scored.
In this article we give stupid advice, which, however, may prove to be quite blunt, so that your online store does not earn a penny, and in two or even three times as much.
Usability
This so-called convenience of the store.
Programmers have already achieved incredible success. They create a convenient, intuitive shopping.
So it is impossible to compete with them.
Remember that if a visitor is convenient and easy to use the shop, he soon learns everything very quickly and overthrow.
The only thing they can hold - is the mystery of the goods and the stupidity of the interface.
Remember, the smaller the buyer we love, the more she likes us. Well, or him.
So the longer he waits for response to pressing a button - the better.
And overthrow - let climb on the internet, even going to try and find a more useless product in tridoroga.
Delivery of goods
Write that the goods are delivered only to "self-transportation of Vorkuta or something else." This will force the visitor to carefully search the entire site for understanding what is for delivery "or something else." Let the people behold advertising enough.
Payment
Only through postal money order and only on a prepaid basis.
Then if you really pay for - that no questions on the quality of goods is not asked. Will be happy if anything would come.
Product Photos
Should be as inferior quality. Let the visitor develops the imagination. Maybe it's Doris your product to the heights of incredible quality. He may even make out where you are unknown, but he needed bells and whistles.
Development of adult sites confirms that the majority of your visitors in general with great pleasure to admire another.
It would therefore be a good practice from time to time in random order instead of the goods to show nude pictures.
The result is the same, but people will see for yourself in your store at least something truly interesting.
Description of goods
Text should be two paragraphs. Words 20. But get rid of an obsession to write the truth about the product. It's like nobody reads.
Not to cause an unhealthy interest in the meaning of the text, alternate words with punctuation marks. A good habit to use words of different lengths.
It is important to beware of meaning in the text. For it can attract.
Types of goods
Test yourself. You're not going to sell software? If you are going - to urgently call a psychiatrist. And if its going to more and develop themselves - then call an ambulance.
Otherwise you will spend not only all his money and time to eat and will not buy it to eat.
The fact that even free software downloads on the Internet are no longer fashionable. So you have to pay more for each download. Otherwise, your program will swing at any of the other hundred thousand online stores.
The more secure the program or, worse, more or less necessary, especially in a larger number of stores without your knowing it will be sold.
Traffic
Install the online store is better on your own home computer. It is very convenient and useful.
First you will have fewer visitors. Buy one still will not, so at least ill-wishers to come to the site will be minimal. Better course entirely from off the internet, so as not to produce competitors.
Second on the night of the computer shuts down. This saves at least electricity.
Thirdly you do not bother and do not pay each year for the hosted site.
Fourth you can not pay for the domain name. Why would you pay for www.vash domen.ru if you can open a free file: / / your vinchester.ya? To amuse her self-esteem that is enough. And if a little - still open at least one hundred.
In the fifth your site easier to show this to friends who come to visit you at the beer. Pictures loaded immediately.
Prices
Should be as high.
To not bother with trifles.
And if you ordered - then immediately make you feel at buloshnoy king.
Keywords
If their children yet, ask your preschooler or Losers write on the choice of 20 than any words.
The more he makes mistakes - the more likely that you will find that your buyer.
This is because all the shows on words with no errors have already bought for the money that you never dreamed of.
Phone and details of the store
Do not specify in any case. Or spammers ruined or curious competitors torment.
Appearance of the store
Shop should be like a poorly organized vordovsky file.
Its easy to track in the metric (depth of view is always at least one page).
Puzzled visitors will peel off in a text like sheep at a new gate at least one minute each.
This is called "engagement" and the time spent on site will never mean "failure".
So, even though the robot metrics will assume your site separately. This is of course meaningless, but this idea - at least some consolation for their efforts.
Promotions and Advertising
There once was an artist,
He had a cottage and canvases
But wanted to intertet,
Unleash your store.
He sold his house,
Sold paintings and shelter,
And with all the money he bought,
Eight alluring words.
Necessarily need advertising. And remember that if you pay for each click, then supported by the society.
After all, part of your PPC goes directly klikalschikam. Namely, these tireless people rub pants for computers, changing to two mice one day before the bloody blisters squeezed out of your advertising banners and hyperlinks, so the right amount of clicks.
At a rate of 80 million clicks per day (one click for each online shop) could not help respect your professionalism and perseverance.
It is such klikalschiki come to the site and read all the nonsense that you write about unwanted goods muzzy from everyday creating online stores frostbitten programmers.
Can you imagine what level of stupidity should they have to do not go mad?
So if you do not pay for clicks, then a lot of clickers will be left without work. Can you imagine what these people come out and start clicking on everything!